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Healing Your Inner Child is Not an Insult to Your Parents.
Healing your inner child was a strange topic to me when I first started my self love journey. I had felt that my inner child was healed from any problems of the past…I was resilient.
Then I went to therapy for some problems that were manifesting in my adulthood.
I am not too public about my childhood, not out of fear or secrecy, but because it is a personal journey. Many of my close, loving relationships have gone through some sort of healing phase, with some that are unrepairable at this point. I also do not know if publicly rehashing the past will really heal me or do harm, overall.
What I will reveal, though, is that one of my parents (the one I already knew would be) was pretty reactive when I began to publicly talk about healing and re-parenting my inner child. I also found out that my healing was NOT a betrayal of my parents or a blaming. My hope in writing this, is that it will help you fast forward your inner child healing instead of allowing any parent to hold you back. Here are some things you should understand about healing your inner child, so you can do it without any guilt.
Your Childhood is Yours, No One Else's
Your experience was your own. the way you saw things was between you and your higher power. As you look back on your life, you perceived things that no one else had any awareness of. As a child, you might have not realized that other people were not having the same experience as you.
Revisiting those experiences is not something that anyone has a say over expect you. Even with trauma, someone might have an experience and not be phased by it, while you might have been traumatized. It is the way YOU internalized the situation that matters and that might need some healing.
You have every right to honor, work through, and understand your experience so you can integrate it into your adult life. You can have conversations with others and understand their perspectives, but it is not up to them to tell you how you should have experienced YOUR past.
If Someone is Taking Your Healing Journey Personally, They are Toxic.
It’s understandable that your parents might get somewhat defensive as you start to work with some inner-child injuries. But if they continue to tell you that you are acting like a victim, or say that you are “blaming” them, then they are being toxic.
The healthiest response that your previous caretakers could give you is to support you working through this time of your life. They can join you in therapy, or have repair conversations. Probably, they did try their best at the time when you were younger, but it takes nothing away from them to make amends or work side-by-side with you to heal.
Someone who loves you without animosity and anger will want what’s best for you. You do have to own you own journey and not expect them to give something they can’t, but conversations and bonding is a natural step in healing.
If they are making your journey about THEM and their needs and feelings, this might be why you are in a deep need of inner-child healing to begin with.
Everyone Can Grow
When I started to heal my inner child, the parent who took it personally was eventually not invited on my path with me. But my other parents (yeah, it was a lot of parents) all grew WITH me. They all had their own healing to do.
My inner-child healing was a catalyst for others to heal, as well. This is healthy and loving growth. You and your family members all still have plenty of growing to do as long as they are alive on this earth. I even witnessed a massive transformation in one of my grandparents in his last years as he became gentler and more loving.
Don't Stop
Overall, just don’t stop this journey out of guilt or shame from someone else. There are plenty of spaces waiting for those people to commiserate and gaslight their loved ones out of fear of the what you might say about them.
Let them live in their own pain and fear. Send them loving energy and release them to their own lives. Hope for their own healing out of love.
Then keep going and do not stop healing. Do not stop discovering the beautiful layers of yourself that need you right now. You deserve to be free and loved.
Dr. Autumn Thomas
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