On your self love journey, you might have heard of boundaries. It’s a work that comes up in many conversations, but can be hard to really understand. So what are loving boundaries?
Many of us our trained to ignore our boundaries (or personal limits) for the sake of others, which can drain our energy and cause us to feel a lot of negative emotions.
Loving boundaries are not only how we communicate to others what we can tolerate, they also communicate a trust for another person.
You are setting a limit with someone and having faith that they can respect and handle that limit. It is not divisive, instead it is a way to connect through mutual respect.
Start by Knowing Your Rights
Our confusion about boundaries can happen because we might not really know what we should be able to say no to.
When we were younger, our lines overlapped with those of our care-takers. Some of the things they did were to protect us, and we did not always have space and privacy that we now have as adults. There were acceptable levels of overlap so that we could be safe.
Now, though, we might need to visit our personal rights to understand what limits we might need to be setting with others.
Boundaries are Not Controlling Others
As you see that you have rights, you also know that you can only control yourself. You cannot control others and make them be a certain way or get them to do things how you want. When you begin to communicate your boundaries, you are simply letting those around you understand what YOU will put up with.
If this leads to a conversation where someone decides that they would like to change their behaviors around you, that’s great! But that is not the purpose of boundaries.
For you to understand this it is important for you to understand the stages of boundary development and where you fall in that. This is self awareness and must be in place for you to grow.
Boundaries are About Trust
Loving boundaries are special because they communicate trust to someone. You are trusting them to run their own lives, so you are watching yourself to see if you might be crossing someone else’s lines. You are doing a self-check to ensure that you are allowing others to live their best lives without your total interference.
On the other hand, when you communicate your loving boundaries, you are letting someone know that you trust in their ability to hear you and love you. If they are struggling with your boundary, you are giving them time to adjust and talk with you about what you need. You are trusting them to love you in a way that you are worthy.
Love and Boundaries
Overall, your boundaries communicate so much love, that they are flexible but full of high expectations that anyone can live up to. If you are not sure where to start, we offer a program called Loving Boundaries.
There are also a ton of resources out there to get your boundary exploration started. You can also sign up for a series of free boundary exploration emails to start you on your path here.
Dr. Autumn Thomas
Does an anger management program sound like the next step for you? Purchase our program here.
This blog may contain affiliate links, any affiliate links are resources I actually use in my programs.
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