The Neuroscience of Self Love

The Neuroscience of Self Love

When learning to love yourself it can be helpful to understand what is happening in your brain while you are changing it from an insecure and self-harming brain, to a brain that floods you with self love. 

Your brain is the organic part of your physical body that is wiring up based on your mind and your emotions.

Not many people like to geek out with me on something like this, but my whole philosophy behind my self love educational programming is based on the neuroscience of self love. So what is really happening to your brain when you move towards self love and how can you make it happen faster?

How Your Brain Copes

We tend to use unhealthy distractions to help us cope, so it is important for us to recognize these and begin to move them into healthy or joyful distractions.

Zaretta Hammond, the author of Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain points out that there are things that you may use to cope if you were born in poverty, or traumatized by the conditions of modern society. That some of the survival skills that helped people grow up in poverty or under stress, are actually coping mechanisms that helped you get through tough times.

Really think about how you cope with a stressful situation. Do you talk to others? Do you talk trash? Do you retreat and go it alone? Do you lose trust in people and get angry?

Maybe you take a bath, journal, sing, anything that gets you through the stress.

Start to understand your brain by writing the ways you cope that you are aware of.

Noticing Your Automatic Thoughts

When you hit stressful moments or are being hard on yourself, negative thoughts come up that are automatic. These are also called thinking traps or cognitive distortions. Click here for some examples of these traps.

How to do you battle these? You can first distract yourself and then move into coping thoughts.

Your goal is to get your brain online so you can access your self love skills. 

Here are some coping thoughts you can practice and use when your brain feels overwhelmed. Pick some and practice them with the smaller non-stressful moments in life.

I sometimes keep a small notebook with me in order to write them a few times in moments when I feel dysregulated. Journaling helps with a self love practice.

If you practice all of these habits, while your mind is calm, it is A LOT easier to use these tools when your mind is not.

Label Your Emotions

An advanced skill that you can use either after coping thoughts, or right from the beginning, is to label your emotions as they come up.

Lisa Feldman Barrett, author of How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, describes how powerful labeling our emotions can be for regulating our entire body.

The more words you have for one emotion can support you in gaining access to your prefrontal cortex and help you make rational decisions that are best for you. Dr. Feldman Barrett calls a large vocabulary for emotional word, emotional granularity.

She states, “You’ve probably never thought about learning words as a path to greater emotional health, but it follows directly from the neuroscience of construction. Words seed your concepts, concepts drive your predictions, predictions regulate your body budget, and your body budget determines how your feel.”


Again, your brain is the organic part of your body that wires up your automatic an unconscious processing. It is the YOU part of your brain that makes up your “mind.” This can be confusing, but it is why mindfulness can help support the neuroscience of self love in your life.

Mindfulness separates the organic brain, that can be changed with time, and the deep part of you that might be considered a soul. When you are practicing mindfulness you become an observer of your mind and can begin to direct the changes you want for yourself.

All learning happens this way. You make a decision to learn something new, you set your mind to it and you start to actually create neurons through repetition and practice.

Mindfulness is the same. You decide to learn to love yourself, you begin to be conscious of your thinking when it comes to how you view yourself, then you build new neural networks in your mind while you practice self love.

Overall, it is a complicate process. You can become an expert with me on this, or your can just use the programming and content I put out trusting that I am helping you re-wire your brain.

You can also take on your re-wiring in other ways with this next article. 

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Improve Relationships Over the Holidays

5 Ways to Improve Relationships Over the Holidays

Holidays can be divisive, and if you celebrate winter holidays that many people in the US celebrate, this can be a tough time on our egos, confidence, and relationships.

Just last week, a friend of mine told me that her teenaged son decided to bring up a political and military conflict in another country while everyone was having a Thanksgiving meal (the US holiday). He brought it up with a grandparent that had very clear difference of opinion. 

It is this scenario that does the opposite to improve relationships over the holidays, but there are ways you can forge better connections with others during the holidays while families are near.

Accept Others As They Are

This blog, in particular, is all about self love, confidence, and happiness. When you look at others, it is best for you if you assume positive and see them as people who are also looking for happiness. They just might not be doing it the same way you do.

When you are with others, understand that they have a right to be in all the spaces you are in. Nothing will calm another person down as quickly as letting them know: “Hey, we might not think or see things the same, but I respect your right to be who you are.”

Imagine if others said that to you, wouldn’t it feel so accepting? I do this by recognizing the inner child in everyone looking for approval and love. It helps me answer challenges that other put to me in a way that honors the humanity in others.

Approach Situations With Curiosity

Sometimes, the people we love only really get a chance to be around each other during the holidays. What can then happen is that they try to put as much of themselves out there as possible in a short amount of time. They do this so others can see the things that are important to them, but egos can really start to clash.

Slow this down with curiosity. When someone you love, who you might not see a lot, seems to be acting over the top or “doing the most,” ask them questions. Say things like:

  • Can you help me understand _(someone’s action or an event)_____?
  • Tell me more about what you mean with that.
  • Can you give me some background about why you feel that way?
  • Here’s how I am seeing _(the situation)__ what do you think?

We have a download here where you can also learn to paraphrase while being curious.

Remember, the conversation is not about winning, it is about connecting and understanding.

Come to Agreements

While listening to others around the holidays, you might find that things need to move forward. If you have taken time to listen to someone else and feel that they have listened to you, make some agreements so that you both can understand each other better.

Relationships can sometimes need negotiating. In the example of my friend’s son bringing up politics with grandpa, you can ask for an agreement from your son. You can say something like, I know you are passionate about the political climate right now, but could you hold off on these conversations during the holiday meal? If your son agrees, you can kindly hold him to that agreement later.

Or how about you want help cleaning up after the meal. Gather the family together ahead of time and let them know you’d like them to help you clean up after. Ask them to agree and they will usually be willing to stick to the agreement.

Agreements have a way of shifting our behaviors so we align to what we promise. 

Maintain Loving Boundaries

All of the above strategies to improve your relationships over the holidays give you the opportunity to hold true to your loving boundaries. If you are unsure of your boundaries, we have a Boundary Booklet you can download just to the left of this article.

Overall, your boundaries communicate a trust for others. They are more than just a psychological wall you build to keep yourself safe. You use your boundaries to let others know that they can run their own lives. It is okay for you to stand beside them, but you will not live their lives for them.

During the holidays, boundaries are more necessary than ever. They will help you have curios conversations without taking on something that is not yours. These boundaries will also help you hold others to the agreements they have made while also allowing you to accept when people might not be able to live up to those agreements.

Two women talking over a table.

Notice the Best

Overall, take time to notice the best in all of the people around you. 

It is easy to get overwhelmed during the holidays and see where people are falling short. Instead, do a quick mindset shift and notice where people are trying and how others bring good energy to a space. Then comment on it. Let others know that you are noticing what is positive about them.

Comment on their strength and the effort you see them putting in. When they meet an agreement, it doesn’t take anything away from you to let them know you appreciate it. Spread that gratitude and see the light in others.

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Self Love and Accountability

Self Love and Accountability

The path to happiness and self love sometimes begins with a period of isolation. This happens because you realize that you have been abandoning yourself. You find yourself alone for a while in order to start nurturing a relationship with yourself. 

After a while, you might start to wonder if your self love is becoming selfish. This thought will come up for many reasons, but also because some of the more toxic friends in your life will point out that your self love is you being selfish.

So, as with anything, there is a balance. Moving into a phase of cultivating a love for yourself, can cause some selfishness at first, but not for the reason that others point out. You will have to focus on things like what you want, and what you think, or how you feel etc. for a while. 

But as you move through different phases of self love, you will find that your self love actually begins to increase your accountability. Here are a few reasons why:

Your Friends Will Change and So Will Your Impact

To start, your self love journey will lead you away from people who might be crossing your lines, or doing you harm. You do not need to declare some type of relationship battle, but you will start to see those who are not aligned with your highest self, act out or take space from you.

Given that you are building internal resources to support yourself, you will be able to cope with this shift. 

Furthermore, you will start to have a different expectation of how you are treated, but also how you treat and impact others. Your current friendships that are already solid, will start to change and have more depth because there will be a high level of expectations and accountability for all of you. 

Also, you will start to attract people who are also more confident in their self love. New people entering your life will be on a different level and will begin to feel they can have psychological trust with you.

Your Boundaries Will Reflect Your Care

While the authentic people who were already around you, and the new friends who vibe on your level support these positive changes in you, you will also develop very loving boundaries.

Boundaries develop in a few stages, but in the end they are not only a communication of what you will and will not tolerate for yourself, they also communicate something profound for those around you. What your boundaries tell others is that you trust them to run their lives. This is an advanced way of loving yourself AND others. 

Your loving boundaries become not just a wall between you and others, they communicate how much faith you have in others to be kind, respectful, understanding, and flexible. Boundaries can shift based on this trust. They hold you and others accountable to each other.

Your Emotional Reactions will be Under Control

Part of self love is learning to manage emotions and cope with difficulty. Self love moves from, “I want to learn to love myself more” to, “I want to become and love the best version of myself.”

This happens because you begin to love yourself, but also start to see that there are layers of yourself from the past that need this love. You do inner child work as see how your negative emotions impact your current self love and happiness. This means that you need to start to cope with negative emotions and thoughts.

If you take on this challenge with a mindset of self love, you will learn how to label your emotions, meditate to understand your own mind, set affirmations, stay present during difficult times, etc.

All of this work leads to you holding yourself accountable for your own emotions. As this happens, you start to connect with your emotions and learn to manage your reactions. 

It All Adds Up to a Profound Life Change

The beginning of your self love journey will be completely imperfect and beautiful at the same time. There will be struggles that you will look back on and shake your head.

Yet, you will start to develop an expectation of yourself and others. This type of accountability will lead to profound change in your life. Your relationship with yourself will be deep and rich because you will be accountable to a vision of the best version of yourself. Through this, you will see a vision for those around you. People will notice that you hold them to this and it will make them feel capable and loved. 

Consequently, your connections with others will move to a phase of appreciation that will hold all of you accountable to love, forgiveness, communication, and repair. 

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Nurturing Self Trust and Intuition

Nurturing Trust: A Guide to Embracing Your Intuition

In a world filled with constant noise and external influences, it can be challenging to listen to that quiet inner voice—the voice of intuition. Yet, learning to trust yourself and your instincts is a powerful journey that can lead to better decision-making, increased self-confidence, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

In this blog post, we will explore the importance of trusting yourself and provide practical steps to strengthen your connection with your intuition.

Understanding Intuition

Intuition is often described as a deep, instinctive feeling or knowing that arises without conscious reasoning. It’s that gut feeling or inner wisdom that guides us, especially when faced with uncertainty. While it may seem elusive or mysterious, intuition is a natural part of being human. It draws on our past experiences, emotions, and subconscious knowledge to inform our present choices.

Intuition does not allow you to predict the future, it just allows you to make choices you can live with.

Why Trusting Yourself Matters

1. Improved Decision-Making – Trusting your intuition allows you to tap into a wellspring of wisdom that may not be immediately apparent. When faced with choices, your intuition can provide valuable insights that go beyond logical analysis. Learning to rely on this inner guidance can lead to authentic decision-making that is aligned with your core values.

2. Increased Confidence – As you consistently listen to and trust your intuition, your self-confidence grows. You become more attuned with your inner guide and begin to appreciate  your uniques and the perspective you bring to each situation. This increased confidence not only benefits your decision-making but also spills over into various aspects of your life.

3. Alignment with Authentic Self – Your intuition often reflects your true desires, values, and passions. Learning to trust yourself is a journey towards aligning your actions with your authentic self. This alignment brings a sense of purpose and fulfillment as you make choices that resonate with what could be considered your higher-self.

Practical Steps to Develop Trust in Yourself

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness:
Begin by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Regular mindfulness practices, such as meditation or journaling, can help you become more aware of your inner world. This self-awareness forms the foundation for recognizing and understanding your intuition.

2. Reflect on Past Experiences:
Take time to reflect on instances where you trusted your intuition and it proved to be beneficial. Similarly, consider times when you ignored your inner guidance and the outcomes. Reflecting on past experiences helps you understand the patterns and signals your intuition sends.

3. Quiet the Noise:
In a world filled with external influences, it’s essential to create moments of stillness. Whether through meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in activities that bring you joy, find ways to quiet the external noise. This creates space for your intuition to be heard. This is also how you can learn confidence in yourself.

4. Practice Decision-Making:
Start with small decisions and practice listening to your intuition. Before reaching for external opinions or overthinking, pause and tune into your inner guidance. As you build confidence in your ability to make intuitive decisions, gradually tackle more significant choices.

5. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities:
Trusting yourself is a life path choice, and mistakes are a natural part of that process. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as valuable lessons that contribute to your growth. Embracing this perspective allows you to learn and refine your intuitive abilities over time.

6. Get to Know Yourself:
Getting to know yourself on a regular basis through self-conversation, self-exploration, journaling, and mindfulness, will keep you in a space of self-trust. Self love workbooks and exercises can be a regular practice for you to keep in touch with yourself. You are complex and often changing.


Learning to trust yourself and your intuition is a transformative journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and practice. As you cultivate a deeper connection with your inner wisdom, you’ll find yourself making decisions that align with your authentic self and lead to a more fulfilling life. Embrace the journey, and remember that your intuition is a powerful guide on the path to self-discovery and personal empowerment.

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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This Thing is Not Meant For You

This Thing is Not Meant For You

When something is not working, we have some choices to make. If you are in a situation of suffering, Eckhart Tolle says that, “you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. All else is madness.” 

Yet, here you are, trying to force something to work that isn’t working. 

Maybe it’s that relationship, which you knew was done a long time ago, but your ego will not let it go. The idea that your significant other might not love you or might find someone else causes you to continue to push something that is only brining everyone pain.

Perhaps it is the job that you are holding onto while your boss is doing everything they can to have you removed. You could have done a good job, or maybe you didn’t, either way, you are not the right fit with the direction of the organization. But you hold on and find so many ways to be miserable rather than go find something that will make you happy.

It is madness. It is also self-abandonment.

You CAN be/do anything you want, but when you force something, it is time to re-visit your vision to adjust to reality.

Wake Up

I’m writing this knowing that it might not reach the person who needs it. But I need to tell you to wake up. Look around you. 

Seriously, if something is causing you suffering, then you really are walking towards it. Unless you have no other option but to accept a situation, every time you stay somewhere that you do not fit, you tell yourself you do not deserve to fit and you do not deserve happiness.

I know it’s hard to let go, but why do you want something that is wrong for you?

When we continue to stay in a situation that makes us miserable, it is because we are afraid that our next choice might turn out worse. And so what if it does?

While you search for your place, if you stick to your values, do self love work, and heal while you explore your next phase, you will be okay. 

Move On and Befriend Yourself

To stick with something that is not working is self-abandonment. To leave will feel like failure. But people fail, and that’s okay. We have to fail to learn what doesn’t serve us. It’s time to move on and go heal.

The misery you are in is the inner layers of you crying to be heard. These layers are begging for you to go on a journey of understanding and befriending yourself. 

My company, Shared Lotus, has courses and workshops for this, but there are thousands of ways to start. First, though, you have to take responsibility for your life. This beautiful life was not meant to be squandered convincing other people of your value.

Dare Greatly

I want you to go watch this Video of Brené Brown explaining what holds us back from being our greatest.

She refers to this quote by Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming…if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” 

You are failing right now for a reason. Since you have found this article, I’m going to tell you that the reason you are failing is so you can see that this thing is not meant for you.

It is time for you to go out and dare greatly with your life. Everyone’s life is special and important. There is no rush, there is no perfect.

As long as you are striving and doing the work to heal and find happiness, you will not waste your time. It doesn’t need to be dramatic and big. It’s the slow and wonderful journey for happiness and joy is the whole point.

So what’s holding you back? 

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Is it Selfish to Love Myself in Times Like These?

Is it Selfish to Love Myself in Times Like These?

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With all of the problems facing the world today, there is a fundamental question that you might be facing: Is it selfish to love myself in times like these? 

The short answer is: no.

If you need more convincing, just ask yourself the following questions:

Why Would You NOT Love Yourself?

To start, I’d like you to ask yourself this question: What does working on my self love actually take away from the world?

There are depressing and hard things happening on a global scale. Because of this, taking care of yourself with coping skills, healing practices, brain science, spirituality, etc, is something you need to chose each day. Your self love is a mindset that will support you through uncertainty.

Has NOT Loving Yourself Helped You?

When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you might feel like you must give more of yourself to others. As a result you will worry about others more than yourself.

Selflessness is a virtue in many societies and you might feel that you must give to be good. 

I’m going to challenge you to understand that self love and selflessness can exist at the same time. 

In short, if you are feeling that you must only be selfless, then you risk burning yourself out. If you ignore your self love, you can enable others by having a lack of boundaries with them.

While you are investing time in the relationship you have with yourself and love for yourself, you will find that self care is essential. As a matter of fact, there is more evidence that rest can actually be a form of resistance to the forces that are doing us all harm. This will give you the strength and resilience to make decisions that are more loving, overall.

By neglecting self love, how are you actually helping anyone?

Has NOT Loving Yourself Helped Others?

What do you model for others when you are in a space of neglecting yourself? 

Loving yourself means that you have healthy boundaries, which allows those around you to learn about their own capacity to trust themselves.

Furthermore, if you are not loving yourself, you are allowing others to devalue you. Consequently, they might take that behavior into their other relationships and harm others.

But on a global scale, has loving ourselves got us into the situations that we are in now? Has a culture of self love and acceptance brought us to the challenges we are facing as a human race?

No, we are here due to egoic thinking. We are here because the humans with the most power and money have led with selfish and dominating intentions.

The world is in this state because  those in power actually practice the opposite of self love. Self love is not narcism and that’s the conclusion.

Self Love Could Be The Ultimate Answer

Think about it. If you were healed and whole. And the people around you were healed and whole. This article would be pointless.

You are investing in a dream when you work on your self love. The work you are doing on yourself flows out. Learning the skills to love yourself to the point that you can work through anything with a sense of wisdom and joy, will only HELP the world.

It is really about a vision for the future. Dr. Shawn Ginwright describe 4 Pivots we can take as a society to move to healing. In his book he describes self love and self care as essential.

Your self love is about the picture you have of the future. Equally important, you are shifting for yourself. Life is short, and your self love does not need to wait.

At the very least, it will do no harm to love yourself.

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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What to do When You Fail

What to do When You Fail

So you failed.

It happens to all of us, but when it happens to you it can be crippling. 

Maybe you worked hard for something only to have it fall apart. Perhaps you lost a job you were proud of, or you keep telling yourself you will accomplish something and continue to fall short. A relationship can fail. You can feel like you failed as a parent. Really, anything can make you feel like a failure.

So how do you come back from a failure?

Where to Start

First, go ahead and throw that pity party and cry for as long as you need. Curl up in a ball and self-soothe.

Then, I cannot recommend therapy or coaching enough. When you have failed, you need some support. Your friends can help you and your family may be a source of love and support, but an outside person can help you to see what is happening without already having an emotional investment in your situation.

There are many programs for free or low-cost therapy out there, and it is an investment that costs much less than staying in pain that you could potentially work through with some help.

Given that it is my business to help people with their self love and acceptance, I recommend programs and workshops that fit you. They do not need to be here on this site, but you should explore where you can start your healing journey.

Failing can be traumatic, and you deserve to learn and grow from it. That’s hard to do if you don’t take some time to reflect.

Make Friends With Your Ego

When you fail it is your ego that feels it the most. 

After a colossal failure, I had humble myself and go backwards a little in my life. It was hard because my identity was so caught up in achievement. After failing, though, I needed to return to something I knew, I just needed peace and calm.

While other people I knew were out doing all the big things, I had to learn to just be happy for them while I worked on my self and my own happiness.

At this point, I learned to make friends with that competitive and jealous part of me. This part was also seen as my shadow, and when you can work with your own shadow you free yourself to be authentic and present. 

Work on Self Trust

Again, you are going to fail again someday. Maybe your most recent failure had to do with the way we sometimes abandon ourselves and forget to trust ourselves. We begin to ignore red flags.

If you do the things that are suggested above, you can start to have a conversation with yourself about self trust. Through this, you will start to recognize the difference between your ego and your inner voice. The inner voice will always be a guide and support you, whereas your ego can be more of a critic.

While healing you will learn to take risks again, because this is what makes life fun! You’ll trust yourself and you could still fail. Trusting yourself does not mean you are predicting the future, it just means you are living authentically and with resilience.

Recognize Your Humanity

This is not the end. The end is the end. If you are reading this, you are still alive, which means you still have time to change. 

Overall, you need to move through some stages of grief, heal, and start again. 

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Can Self Confidence Be Learned?

Can Self Confidence Be Learned?

If you are wondering: “Can self confidence be learned?” Then the short answer to this is yes, of course.

Yet, I understand that you are really asking, “How can self confidence be learned?”

Really, what are the steps for self confidence?

Self Confidence Begins With Healing

To learn self confidence, you must understand that there were many things that needed to occur for you to lose your confidence in yourself.

All of us have different reasons why we have moved from confident children, knowing we are wonderful and cute, to adults with less confidence. Everyone’s experience is unique in this way.

In one lifetime, you will go through the phase where you are conditioned to abandon yourself. The question is, will you step up and do what it takes to reconnect with that knowing and loving part of you?

To do that, you need to start with healing. There are many different modalities of healing currently. 

Self Confidence Comes From Your Mind

While going through various healing processes, you should consider how your brain and mind works.

During your younger life, your neurons were wired up in the best way for you to survive. Your brain is an organic system that responded to your environment. Because of this, it wired up to help you have the most amount of success for different situations.

Unfortunately, you might have adapted to situations that were toxic and negative. This means that some of your behaviors do not help your self-esteem. In fact, your low confidence behaviors might have served you to be safe in some way.

Knowing this, you have to be patient with your changes because they are hard wired into your brain. But remember, the brain is organic and can change. To make this happen, you must practice and work with it in a kind and loving manner. 

Confidence is Deep

Overall, your confidence is somewhere deep inside you. You will have to go through many layers to rediscover it. 

While you heal you will begin to invest time in a relationship with yourself and learn to trust yourself. Ultimately, self trust will lead to an unusual feeling: self confidence. But it will not be the type of self confidence that is arrogant or abusive, it will be a way you move through this world: Calm and Wise.

Now, go love yourself!!

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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Loving Yourself Is a Continual Process

Loving Yourself is a Continual Process

When I started a self love journey it was because I just wanted to be happy. I realized I didn’t really even know what being happy was. I had no idea that loving yourself is a continual journey.

When I decided that happiness was something I really wanted, I started with the book The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.

Why not? It has the word happiness in it. And seeing the Dalai Lama as a happy person made me feel that there is an end goal for happiness. I felt like you learn to love yourself and be happy, then you move on to the next thing.

What I found was that this process is a life-long process. But not all of us realize that for many reasons. 

It Starts With Self Abandonment

At some point we abandon ourselves.

I have worked with people and children of all ages and see how young people walk into a space with confidence and excitement. Then slowly they lose their faith in themselves through many different social pressures and experiences.

As this continues, we begin to question ourselves and stop trusting ourselves. A new, critical, voice shows up in our minds. 

If you are lucky, you stay in contact with the part of yourself that makes decisions that are best for you. For most of us though, we are trained that are needs are secondary to fitting in and compliance. So we begin to make choices that are not what WE want fully.

Due to this, we start to feel like we do not deserve to love ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t even consider self love as a possibility at all, it never even comes up.

Moving Towards Ourselves

Hopefully, you realize that you are worthy of love. You are worthy of love outside and inside of yourself.

Once you realize this, you have to start making real moves in this direction. By the time we realize that self love is missing in our lives, our brains are wired in a pattern of negativity and low self-esteem. You might even be addicted to anger or other negative emotions. We doubt ourselves and have to relearn how.

As with the Dalai Lama book mentioned above, I had to work through many different resources to find the right fit for my journey. This is how it all starts. 

BUT!! It never ends. This is the best discovery of all, you are constantly changing and must continually invest time in the relationship with yourself.

Your Self Love Improves Your Whole Life

This path is a healing path. To love yourself you must heal the self abandonment from the past. You will have to forgive yourself and learn to trust yourself.

These things take time. You can get to an end place with some of it, but our lives are complex and never still. Because of this, we will always need to reflect and grow. 

While on this path, you will begin to see your worthiness. And, although you probably see the worthiness of others, that feeling for others will grow stronger. You will see that your self love, your boundaries, your increased self-esteem will inspire other, but also make you more empathetic and compassionate.

Enjoy This Ongoing Experience

In conclusion, you will need to prepare yourself to do this work over your lifetime. 

At the same time, you can chill and enjoy this work. While you heal, there will be so many ups and downs, but all of it is beautiful and unique to you. Your self love journey is something special and so is your entire life.

Dr. Autumn Thomas

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5 Ways to Trust Yourself

5 Ways to Trust Yourself

You can lose trust for yourself in many different ways. Our society, overall, has a way of making us question ourselves to a point where we sometimes are unsure and insecure.

In other instances, we can become arrogant and righteous. Then, something happens that rocks us to our core and makes us question everything. This can be very traumatic and we can breakdown or publicly collapse.

For whatever reason, if your self-trust is in question, here are 5 ways to trust yourself and gain more confidence. 

Failure is an Opportunity for Growth

We stop trusting ourselves because we fail. This happens because we set our mind on a goal and do not reach that goal in the way we pictured. On top of that, we believe something and our beliefs are proven wrong. 

For me, I lost some trust in myself when I realized that someone I loved and trusted was actually actively sabotaging me behind my back. I found out that this person was doing things to hold me back and put me down for years. They were so close to me that when I finally ended the relationship, I had to completely rebuild how I saw myself.

Your situation might not be as dramatic, but it can include things such as losing a job, ending a relationship, bombing an interview, making a terrible choice, etc.

But here’s what you need to remember: Failure is how we grow. It took you time and many failures to learn to walk. You had to mess up a lot when you learned to dress yourself, but you did it anyway. 

The big life stuff is the same as the little things that you learned when you were a kid. If you think about it clearly, you’ll see that all the things you failed at taught you something valuable. 

To trust yourself again, you have to change your mindset to seeing failure and feedback from the world as an opportunity.

Get to Know Yourself

If you would like to trust yourself more, it would be good for you to get to know yourself on a deep level. We are often moving through the world operating on an unconscious level. 

You may not know yourself because you are following your regular routine and repeated thought patterns. On top of that, we have a million distractions that pull us away from a strong relationship with ourselves.

Getting to know yourself is as simple as digging into what you know you like and do not like. Your self-knowledge is an acknowledgement of how you are showing up for yourself and others.

Furthermore, you need to do a deep exploration of your values. Your values are so important that they guide all of your emotions and decisions. 

Getting to know yourself is a process because you are complicated and beautiful.

Learn to Trust Your Gut (Your Instincts)

We learn to ignore our instincts for many reasons. When you are ready to trust yourself, you will need to re-learn how to follow your gut and your instincts. 

In order to learn to trust your instincts you will need to take time to yourself. While doing this, you will need to learn to communicate with yourself. You do this so you will know when your instincts are leading you in the right direction or if your feelings are coming up from some past trauma or manipulation.

Use meditation, visualization, courses, therapy, and any modality that you align with to learn to communicate with yourself. You will begin to feel your and understand when your instincts are activated and how to react.

Challenge Your Thinking

When you learn to trust yourself, you will also see that there are times when you need to challenge yourself. We have to do this because we sometimes fall into thinking traps.

Thinking traps are a way our mind makes us over-exaggerate situations. We will catastrophize, try to mind read, personalize things and more. As a result, we might be thinking of a situation in a negative light and need to shift our mindset. We have created a mental model of a situation that might be a little distorted.

To kindly challenge our own thinking, what we are doing is trying to make sure that we are looking at a situation objectively, not with an emotional lens. This download has an easy way to challenge a mental model and your assumptions.

Let Go of People Pleasing

Finally, one of the reasons you are not trusting yourself is because you are too busy trying to please other people. 

It is hard to let people down, but if you work on your boundaries, you can learn how to say no with love. Worrying about what others think, living in a type of fear of rejection, and wondering if others are okay with what you are doing, steals your self-trust. You are essentially stealing from yourself. 


Remember, there is no perfect way to start trusting yourself. The suggestions above are just an entry point for beginning a journey and learning process that is worthwhile. As long as you begin this work, you will find what aligns with what you need.

Does an anger management program sound like the next step for you? Purchase our program here.

This blog may contain affiliate links. We only affiliate with products that we use and apply to our own self-love practice

Sign up for our free Gratitude Program 

Get 30 Days of Gratitude sent to your inbox

Get a Free Boundary Workbook to Download

Explore our Programs Page and find one to further your self love journey.

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